dear eating disorder
f.u. and other choice words
Dear Eating Disorder,
(Scratch that.)
Hey, you. Get the “f” out of our house.
You came into our lives, unannounced and uninvited. A rude stranger arriving with some major baggage. You interrupted all that we knew as ok and normal. You made your invisible line in the proverbial sand and rendered a date in our family the forever of “before”. You made your bed and we had to lay down in it. Scared, cold and afraid.
Nobody invites an eating disorder into their lives, homes and relationships knowingly. When you are not looking, it seeps its deep, ugly and seemingly invisible, interrupting-self into the body and mind of a loved one and takes hold. Its unapologetic, insidious grip, gets comfortable and does not want to let go. A tug of war to evict, at all costs, ensues.
While we admit that the unwanted stranger has indeed arrived, we immediately seek understanding. We comb books, chat boards, websites and resources for help to better understand how we got here and how we can break its unwelcomed and alarming arrival.
It is a difficult reality to discuss with friends, colleagues and extended family. It rides side saddle with its pals, shame and family secrets. While e.d. has arrived for one member of the household and it is surely their story, it arrives and disrupts everyone’s lives. While it is not happening to us, it feels as if it is and we can hurt for them and with them.
Everyone it touches, has been changed. It has come for someone we deeply care for and in turn us too. An upheaval of all that we hold to be safe and sacred. It is not an illness that we can treat or cure with a magic pill or elixir. It takes over. It seems to leave. It returns again. And again. Posts up and lives with you and yours. Less than rent free.
If you find yourself under the roof of this great robber, I invite you to allow for grieving. In the tumult, support and fight for healing this disorder – grief knocks. Name it. Welcome it. This too is what you are experiencing. Honor it. You are grieving a time you lost, a future that feels stolen and a loved one in pain. This part is yours.
Talk to a healer. One that resonates with you. You are a griever. I don’t believe we ever get over this loss, but learn to live with it. This does not mean you are broken, but perhaps in need of “re-membering”. A place and space to put yourself back together, anew. The you on this side of the line.
You can usher e.d. to the door and welcome the deep healing to accept the grief that it has rendered. Invite it to your side. As a companion. It is here to be seen and witnessed. And so are you.
I wrote this as a guest piece and felt it may help to share it here with my community. sometimes we need permission to grieve, I hope you find it in my words.
Thank you sister. Will share.
Barri, I read this twice and had to let it digest in between reads because it struck me hard. I know and have experienced all of this, and too often don't let myself absorb how much grief lives in me because of our lives forever changed by anorexia living in our loved one. I need to create space to acknowledge this grief. Thank you for shining a light on this. Sending love...and hope. From one Mom to another.