father's day support enclosed
it's complicated, we have a card for that...and a sweet retreat
Hey, it’s griefy out here. There are dates on the calendar that can invite and reignite grief. Sometimes it is the anticipation of how the day will land, a milestone anniversary of loss or a day that the world seems to suddenly be celebrating — without you.
I have had a decades long tug of war with Mother’s Day. To celebrate without my Mom since 1993 always feel like unnecessary heavy lifting and making the day about me and my girls, never just right.
This year, I woke and thought, why not reframe the day? I offered to send cards to those who also have a tussle with the calendar come a certain Sunday in May. I posted to my instagram page and dozens of you wrote me with your “why” it’s hard and address and the community rose up around a lovely exchange. Then, Sarah Weeger, founder of hey weegs stepped in with her “cards that sound like you” and donated a stack for the exchange. Thank you Sara, the kindness of strangers is breathtaking.
Over the past few years, Father’s Day has become heavy too. While my Dad is very much alive, he suffers from memory loss. And so, it’s complicated. The call for a card exchange is once more, up on my Instagram. Fatherless daughters have written, Dad’s who have suffered child loss, those estranged, men who will not be Dad’s this year due to infertility, children who miss their Dad’s — and some, like me, who will visit with Dad’s who may not remember your name.
My mentor, Claire Bidwell Smith will join Steve Leder for a free on-line gathering and discussion to support grief around Father’s Day. The world is waking up to sensitivity and support around events and alternative ways to celebrate. Sure, we can still want festivities for those who invite the day with joy and memory making and also know it can be grief inducing for others.
Send a card to someone who may be having a day that feels different this year. Or let me send one for you. As the kid’s say — slide into my DMs and I will take care of it. This morning I got a note from a woman who received her card in May and let me know how meaningful it was and that her Papa died just two weeks ago.
Let’s be there for one another. Make a call. Send a text. Just the recognition that this day, may not be the same day for everyone, speaks volumes.
x, Barri
PS. This September, I will join Claire in co-facilitating a grief retreat in California — the ultimate, in-person support and healing you and your grief so deserve.