look for the illuminators
free workshop today 1 pm est on zoom: find the helpers, believing mirrors and listeners...being seen and heard and understood in your grief is essential to healing. join me to learn more. link inside!
Pssst. Yes, you my friend.
I’ve got a question.
Perhaps a little writing prompt.
Who in your circle are the illuminators and who are the diminishers?
This week in my grief support groups, we explored this concept as shared with me on an episode of Everything Happens with Kate Bowler. On the podcast, she is in conversation with David Brooks discussing, how we might get better at really knowing people. (Cue the empathy!) While it is not solely a grief talk, this idea of illuminators, struck a chord with me.
In the practice of grief tending, attuning to the “you” we meet in the depths of loss and grief, can be some of the heaviest lifting in the healing. In the throws of loss, we can also find folks we depended on, disappointing in the way they show up or show out. Perhaps you have lost a few you thought you could count on? I know this can feel like a reckoning on a reckoning.
As you meet and become acquainted with this “new” or “after” you—it is a tender and profound practice to find those that can meet you just as you are. As Mr. Rogers said, “look for the helpers”. As Books suggests, look for the illuminators (and name the diminishers). Do you need to reset the dial on certain friendships? Find true north on life’s compass?
Julia Cameron, author of The Artist’s Way, calls these folks “believing mirrors”. As you look around you, can you find the ones that “get it”. That lift you up? Help you shine. Reflect back a you, you love?
It can be hard to ask for or even know what support looks like in grief. Perhaps it is a grief group. I love group for the wisdom exchange of illumination that unfurls. Beacons and lanterns in the dark that help you shine. There is such deep understanding and empathy in group. Beyond the halls and walls of this type of support, can you amass a “get it” team?
I am proud to gather today for a free workshop hosted by Reimagine and For Grief, and hope you will join me. We will talk more about this concept, a perfect topic as we come into holiday season.
Allow me to be one of your illuminators, it would be my honor.
x, b