the memory circle
a note from the chief grief officer
Come, sit down. I am so glad you’re here. Permission GRANTed is my newsletter. New name, same game. Read all about it in the ABOUT tab! All the perks and permission slips needed and necessary!
A bit about me? Oh, sure.
I’m Barri — if we’ve not yet met. I started The Memory Circle as a space (IRL and virtual) where you could sit shoulder to shoulder with others who had experienced loss of every and any kind.
You see, I lost my mother Ellen in 1993, when there were precious few resources for grief. I am not even certain that the word grief or grieving was used to explain the process, feelings or managing of emotions following her funeral and the sudden and unexpected loss of the most important person in my world.
I was shattered, but eager to return to life as I knew it in the “before”. I quickly returned to work, just weeks later. I took cues from the grown ups around me and the societal messages I received. Everyone was eager for a “back to normal” — which was confusing as hell. I owned my own PR agency back then — so busy and numb felt better than the screaming pain of my insides. I must have been wrong if all of society was right, no?
I never realized that if I did not find a way to deal with the grief, or even name it, the sneaky bitch would find me down the road, when I would least expect it. Ever tried to outrun, outsmart, out….
Well, spoiler alert — you can’t.
I tried for so long for this loss not to define me. I thought that my Mom would be sad, no furious, if I allowed for this to be true. What I learned over time, is that of course it would, had, does and did. Period. This loss not only defined a future I could never have imagined — it changed me for good.
Along the way, I met motherless daughters everywhere I would roam — from the grocery store to the loo. I swore that I was wearing some kind of magnet or secret neon sign! Each of us, no matter how very different - told story after story of experiencing life with loss on board, in swaths of sameness and me too’s. And they wanted to talk about it - but there were precious few places and spaces to go.
My sacred wish for others?
An easier path ahead for those who found themselves lost in the tangle and confusion of grief. A place and space for tending to the ache and the tools needed to learn to live with loss.
During the earliest days of the all audio app Clubhouse, I would open a room daily and ask, “How is your grief today?” By then, I was decades past the lost of my Mom and had started peer support groups at my local yoga studio. In just weeks, five thousand folks showed up to Clubhouse for a club that nobody wanted to belong to, but everyone needed. I sat and listened to their griefy stories and learned their names and the names of their loved ones. Daily!
It was then that I opened a door where I felt there was not one before. The circle got wider, my trainings deeper and my hope that we could find a better place for grief in modern day society and our daily vernacular my mission. A world where you can call in “griefy” as you would call in sick with the common cold.
I see folks 1:1 and in groups as a grief specialist, coach and advocate. I support my earliest mentors and biggest names in the biz like Claire Bidwell Smith and Hope Edelman on retreat and support circles.
Most days I feel like a “hope dealer” - and isn’t that what we all deserve. The idea that we won’t feel quite as shitty as today in our tomorrows? And enough in the tool kit so if a crap day or calendar hallmark rears its head, we have the space and understanding to seek support!
Nobody needs to grieve alone. And shouldn’t have to! My sister and I have had one another and believe me everyone deserves a Danna in their life — but even we grieved differently sometimes and had lost the same Mom. Through miscarriages and divorce, much that was new grief met my old grief and it was a shit show.
I am three decades past the biggest loss in my life - and I promise you, there is MORE than hope.
I offer a free gift here, that might be helpful and resources too. For you, or to support a griever.
Need a FREE intake session? Let’s talk!
Need a GRIEF SUPPORT CIRCLE…come sit with us! Or share it with a griever.
The GRIEF GUIDE tab above, will share the more “how to” parts of Permission GRANTed. The best from my ever-expansive tool kit.
New science and sources that I think are the best and brightest.
I lean on my background as an author and journalist to bring the juicy science of writing to all of my work.
Hang around — we will be zooming into monthly Write to Heal workshops —right here on the stack! Stay tuned.
Can’t wait to be with you all there. x, B