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when do you light the candles, and use the good china?
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when do you light the candles, and use the good china?

how to use poetry to help you heal & grieve
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Dear Sweet Circle:

Grab pen and paper. Writers and “non-writers” who share my prompted writing most often say — that was easy! It is and can be. Just allow. Let the pen move across the page without rules, ego or judgement. Let it glide and slide and show you what needs witnessing. What is hard to express out loud can be given voice in writing. Be willing and curious with me. Oh, I hear you saying, “But Barri, I am not a writer.” Psst. Come in real close. If you are writing, you are a writer.

I am often asked if I have a favorite poem. Otherwise by Jane Kenyon is definitely tops. Truth is, I am plain awful at picking just one. I fall hard for them. The way they look on the page. The white space and efficacy of each specially chosen word and stanza. They delight me!

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Poems and poetry books have been a go-to along my own grief journey. I did not realize early on that brain fog (yes, this is a real thing!) made it so very difficult to concentrate on a book. I was reading and rereading a same line or graph, trying to make sense of loss in the pages of a self-help resource. I could not make heads or tails of it. I tell grievers, or those supporting a griever, to find a poem. Let the rhythm and succinct but steady beauty, be the balm. Keeping beautiful words around you was sage advice from a writing teacher. The same holds true in grief tending.

Press play on the audio I recorded for you. Close your eyes if that feels comfortable and safe. Let the words wash over you. Maybe, play it once more.

Come to the page and start your writing with the words…It Might Have Been Otherwise… In this ode or emulation of her beautiful poem, so much may come up for you. Be with whatever the page needs to reveal. Use the prompt, or just put your hand to the paper and let what will be, be your muse. Maybe you will share it with me here in comments or in a private message. Perhaps, you will pass this along to a friend. If you are not up for writing today, simply let it be read to you. This too can feel healing.

This poem always reminds me of the fragility of life. How the mundanity and ordinary of the everyday is extraordinary. It reminds me to light the candles and use the good dishes and a linen napkin on any old Wednesday. It reminds me of precious memories and tiny moments and momentos large in my purview. Kenyon describes her routine of the day and how it could have happened differently. It also reminds me of that old movie with Gwyneth Paltrow, Sliding Doors. How everything on any day, could have been otherwise.

If you like this exercise, I invite you to visit a poetry site, listen to the recording of the piece and then come to write. Use a line or a feeling evoked, and use it as inspiration. I share many writing prompts on this podcast episode too.

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It can be nice to keep a journal of these works. Date the page, it is amazing to see when and what you wrote over time.

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